Our personal narratives are so powerful that they define what we think we deserve, what we allow ourselves to dream of and to pursue, what we achieve, and what we settle for in different parts of our lives. Is your narrative holding you back, or setting you up for success?
The narrative we have consciously or unconsciously defined for ourselves determines the course of our lives. When we have limiting beliefs at the core of our inner programming, they hold us back and keep us from chasing our dreams. No matter how much you may want something, if you don’t believe you deserve it deep down in the core of your being that you deserve it, you’ll never get there.
Manifesting is wanting something and putting it out there for the “universe” to deliver to you.
But simply “manifesting” something doesn’t work. Otherwise I’d currently be deliberating between simultaneous marriage offers from Olivia Munn, Minka Kelly, and Olivia Wilde. Or maybe I’m just manifesting wrong…? Only time will tell…
Any limiting belief you may have is what is really holding you back from being more self-confident, going after your dreams, or achieving the success you want. It keeps you from taking steps towards creating an environment where something is more attainable. In love, or life, or school, or career, or finances.
You can’t manifest something if you don’t think you deserve (way deep down) and if you’re not ready to receive it.
But your beliefs and narrative are not set in stone. At any time you can rewrite your programming (your limiting beliefs and your narrative) to change your destiny.
The sky belief is the limit
This voice, this internal critic, can cause you to hold back and not take more challenging classes, or apply to a better university, or follow a career path you want. You may not volunteer for a project or go for a promotion at work. You might be afraid to start a business even though you have a really great idea. Or it might prevent you from walking over and saying hi to the cute person at the bar that you can’t stop looking at.
That is your internal narrative. The backseat driver second-guessing you at every turn. The things you tell yourself to keep you safe so you can give up on opportunities before you even try, thus avoiding failure or rejection.
This may sound like…
“I’m too short / tall / skinny / fat / poor / ugly / old / young / stupid. A girl/guy like that would never go for someone like me.”
“I give up. I have to accept that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life.”
“I don’t have what it takes to start my own business. This is just a stupid pipe dream idea.”
“I’m too stupid / old / unqualified / inexperienced to ever get that job, so what’s the use in applying.”
“Girls only go for rich, good-looking guys with expensive cars.”
“I can’t let my guard down with someone again because then I’ll just end up with a broken heart. I’m done with dating.”
“Someone like that would never be interested in me, so this can’t possibly be flirting. They’re just being nice.”
You’ll never be able to “manifest” or attain that relationship, that job, that new career or business, or a down-payment on a house, if deep down inside you don’t feel like you deserve to have it.
The only way to achieve true lasting success is to work on your inner self, your self-confidence, by destroying your limiting beliefs to rewrite your internal programming.
Our beliefs are formed early on
A limiting belief is a false truth that we give power to and let control our lives. Not willingly or even consciously. We don’t know any better.
These limiting beliefs can stem from childhood or early experiences, or things we saw or were told, or how we were treated (good or bad).
If one or both of your parents weren’t around, or were dismissive or uncaring or unloving, or mean or verbally/physically abusive, or you had to take care of them because of addiction or depression or something of that nature, then you may have learned coping mechanisms or adapted to survive. Or maybe you had to vie for approval and love.
If you didn’t have good role models, or maybe a parent or a teacher called you stupid or said you’d never amount to anything, or made a joke about your voice in choir that you overheard. 100 times or even just once, that sh*t can imprint on you, leaving (micro-) scars for decades, or for life.
Or maybe you saw a parent or family member struggle with something, and that coded into your psyche a world view of what’s possible and what’s not.
Maybe you got teased, or faced rejection growing up. Or an ex left you for someone cooler or smarter or hotter. Or you faced some sort of traumatic event, large or small.
And thus your outlook of the world and your place in it was unconsciously programmed based on how you were raised.
Even the relationship and dynamic we see between our parents becomes the primary model for what love and relationships/marriage are supposed to look like when we grow up, for better or worse. If there was tension or dysfunction at home, that’s likely going to be the model you have for your own relationships later in life.
To change your future, let go of the past
Letting go of negative limiting beliefs can be a tough process. It’s hard to reprogram your brain into believing a different reality than the one you’ve known for years, or practically all your life.
Daily affirmations like “I’m good enough” (hi there, Stuart Smalley) or “I’m a worthy person” don’t usually help if you haven’t done the work to change your underlying belief system to actually believe what you’re saying.
Your internal BS detector catches that and laughs it off because your internal BS detector has been programmed with specific beliefs about you and about the world.
I’ve personally had a hard time in the past (even almost cried sometimes) when trying to think or say affirmations like that, because my internal programming was so messed up. It hurt to try to tell myself those things, allow myself to believe those things. Like a glitch in the matrix, I was thinking things I wasn’t “supposed” to.
It can feel like someone telling you “the sky is blue” when you can look out the window and see it’s obviously green. Re-writing your internal programming works by changing the lens through which you see the world. Change the lens and you’ll see that the sky really is blue.
Dissect your belief
The only thing holding you back is your inner narrative telling you “no, that path is not for you, you don’t deserve that.” I know. I’ve been there. I know that inner voice all too well.
To rewrite your narrative, you have to dig deep down and figure out why you think you don’t deserve to have those things. Keep digging, asking “why?” again when you get another layer deeper.
It’s up to you to figure out why, change your mindset, and rewrite your path.
This process involves identifying your insecurities and biggest limiting beliefs and dissecting the stories you tell yourself to keep yourself in your “safety bubble” so you don’t have to go after what you want.
Then, look back for situations and experiences that could contradict your limiting belief. Things you ignored or overlooked in the past, excluded from your internal narrative because they didn’t fit the story you’ve been telling yourself your whole life. After that you write your new belief and accept it wholeheartedly along with the evidence that proves it’s true.
Destroy and rewrite your narrative
First, pick a topic or area of your life that you want to change. This could be life, love, finances, education, career, anything.
Then use this basic script (or journal prompt) to get you started.
- Write down the belief/s you have about yourself, or life, or people, in the area you want to change.
- What kinds of opportunities are you avoiding or have you missed because of these beliefs?
- Why do you feel this way about yourself or about the world? Where did you get these assumptions and beliefs from?
- What pieces of evidence have you ignored that could point to your beliefs or narrative being false? Things you have ignored or discounted as exceptions to the rule in the past, for yourself or that you see other people doing or achieving but you’re not? Write 5 or 10 or as many as you want, about you, the world, other people.
- What could you achieve or do differently if your narrative was different? How could your life be different?
- What new beliefs or narrative do you want to rewrite for yourself, supported by the evidence in #4?
You may need to repeat these steps to dig deeper and deeper to get at the real core narrative, change your mindset, and change your underlying self-limiting belief.
Let it sink in
When you’re done, read and then read it again.
And one more time for good measure.
Accept your new belief.
When in doubt, go back to the supporting evidence of your new belief. Allow this new belief to overwrite your previous belief system, like you’re updating your Operating System to run all the new software.
If you haven’t read it yet, check out my post about my journey where I talk about my own insecurities, self-esteem issues, and how I went through this very process to change the direction of my life.
You can find additional online resources to dive deeper into mindsets and limiting beliefs and how to change them here.
What are one or two areas of your life that you want to examine and change your limiting beliefs about this year?
*Featured image by Pixabay at Pexels
