9 Major Dating Red Flags and Turn-Offs

Look at your shirt. Now look at mine. Now look at yours again. Feel it between your fingers. Take a whiff. Is it made from boyfriend material? Or a cheap fast-fashion synthetic blend that falls apart after 3 washes? If you’re guilty of any of the cardinal red flags on this list, it’s probably the latter. 

Speaking to some of my female friends, there are all too many red flags and major turn-offs that men commit in the dating ritual that ruin their chances and send women rolling their eyes and searching for the nearest exit. And what frustrates them the most, in their own words, is… “Whyyyyy??? Why does a grown-ass man in his 30s/40s/50s not know how to act like a normal adult?” 

Live and learn! Not…”live and repeat the same mistakes over and over.” So check yourself, and your dating habits, before you wreck your chances for love (or a second date).

*The writing here can be applied to all relationships regardless of the genders of those involved. Some of these faux pas and red flags are universal unisex and can be committed by anyone of any gender in any dating dynamic, even though I may use gendered terms to generalize in some cases. Yes, being a stage-5 clinger knows no gender bounds.

1. Lying in your profile, including not looking like your pictures

Imagine your date is waiting outside the bar where you’re supposed to meet for your first date. She’s both nervous and excited, with those butterflies fluttering away. You walk up, feeling good and confident. But the look on her face… She sort of recognizes you. But the look on her face says it all.

A first impression of “ugh get me out of here” is not ideal, to say the least.

Don’t lie about your height. If you put that you’re six feet tall, and you show up to the date and it’s obvious you’re not a hair over 5’7.” Disappointed! The 5’6″ woman in 4″ heels is not amused. 

Don’t use pictures that are 5 or 10 years old, or old-ish pictures if you look like a different person now (weight change, hair loss / hatfishing, etc.). And it should go without saying that you shouldn’t use pictures of completely different people. That would be catfishing…

Don’t lie about your age. I hate to burst your bubble, but you’re not fooling anyone if you look 62 in your pictures but your age is set at 32 so you can browse all the hot 20- and 30-something singles.

Don’t list hobbies and interests you know nothing about just so you can sound cool. Walking the dog doesn’t count as “hiking.”  

If you don’t have many hobbies or interests, try to work on broadening your horizons with things you’re actually into. That way you have something to list in your profile, and to talk about on dates. Besides, having a more interesting, fulfilling, and well-rounded life never hurt anyone.

2. Asking for pics 

One of the quickest ways to trigger the “creepy” red flag alert is to ask for pics from a woman you barely know.

If you matched on a dating app, there’s already pictures in her profile. And you can even do a video date, especially now that they’re practically the norm, if you want to get a better idea what the other person looks like before meeting up in person. (Beware the deceptive angles) 

So asking for a picture can come across as “send me something sexy.” This is a complete stranger. Think about it for a second.

Slow your roll, be normal, be respectful, be a gentleman, treat her like a person, and win her over.

Once you’re starting to date a woman and she feels comfortable and knows you are NOT a creep, you may naturally arrive at the pic trading phase anyway.

Don’t be manipulative. Just act like a decent human being, and treat her like a decent human being. 

So…when is it appropriate to ask for pics from a stranger? When they mention their adorable dog, or the amazing homemade pasta they had for dinner, or the view from the hike they went on over the weekend. Those are the kinds of things you can safely ask someone to share when you still barely know them.

3. Sending *unsolicited* pics of yourself

Specifically: don’t send pictures of your junk. This should go without saying, but unfortunately some men need to be told this. Do not send a stranger, a woman you’re trying to date, an unsolicited d*ck pic.

“What about now?” No.

“How about now…?” Umm, still nope.

“…Maybe now?” Did she just ask you to send one? Then no.

Don’t do it. If she hasn’t requested it, don’t send it. 

Think about it for a second. You’re having a great text conversation about a new food docuseries on Netflix, or your favorite 90s jams. And then BOOM. You open up your messages excited that maybe she sent you an animated gif or funny meme. But instead you see a picture of some. Other. Guy’s. D*ck. Burned into your retinas. 

Remember the golden rule.

Side note: most women also don’t appreciate sweaty gym selfies being sent to them out of the blue either. They don’t like seeing them in dating app profiles to begin with. Red flags everywhere!

Or being sent any pictures out of context for no reason. It can come off as needy, insecure, or try-hard.

“Wait, can I send my junk now?”

Arghgghh!

4. Bringing up sex too early or out of the blue

When you suddenly bring up sex out of nowhere, in the middle of a conversation, it can be a huge turn-off that kills the connection. Maybe you’re trying to test them, push some boundaries. But for most women it just says that all you’re after is sex and nothing else. Red flag city.

If that is what you want out of dating, don’t play “games” or beat around the bush. At least be up front and honest about it. Don’t waste their time by pretending to be looking for an actual connection with them. That’s false advertising. 

That’s not to say you can’t flirt and tease. But there’s a difference between being flirty and engaging in fun or sexy banter, and jumping from 5mph (“favorite coffee shops and morning routines”) to 75mph (“what’s your favorite sex position?”) and skipping all the steps in between. That sh*t can cause whiplash. And get you ejected from the vehicle.

5. Being indecisive & wishy washy on date planning

Most of the time, it’s expected that the man asks the woman on the first date/s. It’s also the norm that the man plans (and pays for) the dates. 

So if you waffle on the day or time, ask what she feels like doing or where she wants to eat, change the day/time multiple times, or otherwise act indecisively, you’re sending subliminal friendzone signals. This is a yuuuuge turn-off.

Take the lead.

Be. Decisive.

When you ask for the date, suggest several different days to pick from (“how about Tuesday or Thursday after work?”). Pick a restaurant or bar near her. You may even want to give her a few choices (“are you more in the mood for sushi, or tacos?”).

Once the day and location is set, keep the texting conversation going, and re-confirm plans the day before / day of.

6. Picking a date spot close to where you live

When you’re ready to pick a spot for your first date, figure out what area or neighborhood is most convenient for her on that day (near her house, close to where she works, etc.).

If you pick a place closer to where you live, best case is you look lazy and inconsiderate. Worst case is you send a signal that you only want to be near your house because you’re expecting to take her home after the date. Whether or not that is actually the case, just be aware of the red flag it sends. 

7. Being a penpal

Dating apps were invented so that people could have a way to connect with new people and go on dates. So if you connect with someone on a dating app, and day after day, week after week, you’re just drawing things out with small talk like “how was your day?” and NOT asking to set up a date, then what the hell are you doing on a dating app in the first place? 

No one wants a penpal.

Responses equal interest. If she’s responding, she’s interested. At least until you blow it by failing to ask her out. That’s a huge turn-off.

Once you feel like there’s enough familiarity, ask for the date, ask for the number, and move things forward. This might take a few messages or a few days or a week. It all depends.

You can keep messaging and conversing after the date is set. But if you haven’t set up a date, you’re just playing penpal with a stranger and killing her interest level slowly but surely.

8. Being static-clingy

It can be hard to know how much or little to text and communicate when you’re just starting to get to know someone. So here are some things to keep in mind to avoid the dreaded “Stage 5 Clinger” red flag designation. Which comes immediately before the “ghosted” and “deleted” status.

If you’re texting someone, they are texting you back in-between going about their daily lives at work, home, cooking, running errands, taking care of kids, walking the dog, hanging out with friends, eating, or watching TV. Same as you. 

It may take a few minutes or a few hours or even until the next day for them to respond. So don’t keep texting more if they haven’t responded. 

And definitely do not send messages like…

“Did you get my message?” 

“Why haven’t you responded”

“Did I lose you?”

“Was it something I said?”

“Hey. Are you there?”

Otherwise you may never get a response from them again.

If you’re the one that smothered the conversation, and chemistry, to death, you only have yourself to blame.

They have a life outside of the dating app, and you should too. Be patient and give them time to respond. 

9. Love bombing or being possessive

Nothing screams “red flag” like tossing the L-word grenade way too early (“you barely know me, how can you possibly be in love with me already?!”). Or bringing up, or even demanding, exclusivity before a reasonable amount of time has passed. 

After one or a few dates, or a month or two of dating, you still barely know a person. And even if you feel like you’ve met someone special and are starting to feel some “feels” for them, pump the brakes a little and don’t put too much pressure on things. 

It’s okay to pause or delete your own dating profile, and even mention to the person you’re dating that, “I like you and I’m excited to see where things go for us.”

It’s great to be excited about the possibility and potential with someone new. That’s the best feeling! That’s what (almost) everyone is after!

But if after a few dates or a few weeks you come at them with, “I think we should be exclusive. I want you to delete the dating app,” then you’re assuming they feel as strongly as you do. That’s just plain needy, possessive, and controlling, which are signs of insecurity (and potentially narcissism). All big red flag vibes that can send someone running the other direction.

Which of these dating turn-offs and red flags do you see the most often? What are some other dating blunders you’ve committed, or been on the receiving end of? Let me know in the comments below.