Whether we like it or not, dating and online dating has changed forever thanks to the pandemic. Happy hour video dates can feel more like job interviews. But they don’t have to be awkward and stiff. Here’s what you need to know to ace the “interview” and get a callback.
You’ve spent time dialing in your dating profile, and even got some good conversations going with a few matches. You find someone you like, you kinda sorta hit it off in the chat. Time for a first date. But with many places in some level of lockdown, and people wanting to stay safe and not put themselves in unnecessary danger, video dates are so common now they may be the new norm for a lot of people. So here’s your video dating guide with 7 tips and secrets for amazing video first dates.
Smile, you’re on iPhone camera!
Bumble saw a 70% increase in video chat usage last year, half of Hinge users have been on a video date, and The League has been hosting video speed dating twice a week since even before the pandemic.
If you’ve ever done a video date, you know it feels more like a job interview than a date. It’s more of a recipe for friendzone awkwardness than an environment to interact with someone and gauge/spark romantic or physical chemistry.
However, you can still set the stage for a more fun and engaging date, despite the limitations, and have increase your chances for making a good connection.
1. Have a “pre-game” ritual
It’s all about the first impression. We decide whether we like and trust someone within the first 20 seconds of meeting them. If you start off on the wrong foot, it can be really hard to come back from that deficit.
To help ensure your first impression is a great one, focus on putting yourself in a good mood before the date. You want to feel good energy so you can give off good energy.
Jumping straight from a long work call, or getting worked up over the day’s news, is not the kind of energy you want.
Instead…
Do a workout or a yoga session or take a walk to get the blood and the endorphins pumping.
Or pour yourself a glass of wine and turn on your favorite hype song or feel-good playlist. Feel free to dance a little too. No one’s watching (unless you count your dog).
Or give a close friend or a family member a call to get your social and talking “muscles” warmed up.
Or…all of the above!
2. Dress for success
You don’t have to dress like you’re meeting up at the hottest new lounge in the city, but try to put in at least a little effort before you connect.
No grimy t-shirts or hoodies, no PJs. Even if only the upper half of your body is showing, actually putting on pants and dressing / looking the part will help put you in the right mood and mindset for the date.
3. Set the stage
Don’t wait until the last minute to figure out where you’re going to sit. Do a test run first.
For location, pick a comfortable spot like on your couch. The bedroom is okay, but if you’re video chatting “from” your bed or with bed in the background, it could send the wrong message.
Check your background and make sure it’s neutral, interesting, or at least not messy.
Check your lighting, which should be in front of you and not behind you (no dark silhouettes). Sit facing a window for some natural light, or with a soft lamp in front of you. You can even dim the lights so it feels a little more like a date and less like a work call.
You may want to use a stand for your phone or laptop, or put a pillow on your lap for your arm holding your phone so you don’t get tired. Wherever you put your device, check for double chins or otherwise unflattering angles.
4. Pour yourself a drink
Grab a drink before the call so you have something to sip on, assuming your video date is at a time when it’s acceptable to drink. And to take the edge off. It can even be a good ice-breaker if you get to talking about your favorite craft beer or the fancy cocktail you poured for yourself.
5. Testing 1-2-3
A few minutes before the call, get situated, turn on your camera to do a last-minute tech check. And battery check. And hair and outfit check. And food-stuck-in-teeth check. Before it’s too late.
6. Get your head in the game
The clock is ticking. Butterflies are fluttering. Maybe a nerve or two are starting to creep in.
Having the right mindset and setting some intentions can help calm the nerves and get you focused on what matters. Namely, connecting and having a good time.
The best way to connect and have fun is to be present, get past the small talk and dig a little deeper. Get to know what makes the other person interesting and unique.
Your biggest goal for a first date should be to have fun, see how you get along and whether you want to go on another date with them.
7. All good (and bad) dates must come to an end
It can sometimes be hard to sustain a good conversation vibe over video. Or sometimes it’s just not a good personality or romantic match. It happens all the time! No big deal.
If things are starting to fizzle and go downhill, cut it off at 30 minutes if necessary.
On the other hand, if conversation is strong and you’re having a good time and really feeling a connection, don’t be afraid to keep the conversation going.
Before you end the call, if you’re interested, suggest another date. Don’t let it go a few days before you even reach out again, and a few more after before you ask for another date. By that time, the other person’s interest may have faded or moved on to someone else that is more decisive about wanting to meet.
Fortune favors the bold. So be bold! If you like the person, keep things moving forward!
What do you think of these tips? What are some other ways you’ve made video dates work for you in the age of covid? Let me know in the comments below.
