Women love bad boys, but the good news is you don’t need to ride a Harley or look like Brad Pitt in Fight Club to channel the positive traits that make bad boys so attractive.
Why do women sometimes go for the “bad boy” type? The truth is, women are easily drawn to certain attractive traits about bad boys: namely, the confidence, the authenticity, the risk taking, the excitement, and the IDGAF attitude. But they don’t stay with bad boys long term, because bad boys can also be toxic, emotionally unavailable, or looking to never settle down. How do you channel the attractive traits that make bad boys so attractive, so you can become more attractive without turning toxic yourself?
Here are seven positive masculine traits anyone can embody to be more confident, magnetic, and attractive when it comes to dating, without having to go over to the dark side.
These traits are important whether you’re single, in a relationship, or 10+ years into a loving marriage. Why? Because even in a relationship, or rather…especially in a relationship, men should continue to strive to be the best version of themself they can be, and continue to nurture the intimacy and attraction with their partner.
The effort doesn’t end once you ‘hook” someone. Just look at divorce statistics: 60-70% of divorces are initiated by women, and in cases of college educated women, the number is close to 90%.
*I may use gendered terms to generalize, but the advice here can be applied to all relationships regardless of the genders of those involved.
1 – Confidence
I struggled with confidence and self-worth issues my whole life, until I did the work to rewrite my narrative and destroy the limiting beliefs holding me back. If you struggle with self-confidence, doing that kind of work is the key to building real, lasting confidence.
How do you appear more confident right now, even if you don’t necessarily feel like the most confident guy?
- Stand up straight, hold your head high (body language conveys confidence, or lack thereof)
- Hold eye contact, don’t look away too quickly
- Act with intent and be decisive
- Be comfortable in your skin and your masculinity
Lastly, know what you want and go for it.
That means when you’re attracted to a woman, display your interest through eye contact, words, and actions.
Flirt and joke around with her. Pursue her (but don’t chase, or play games). Let her know you’re interested.
Without attraction, interest, and chemistry, you’ll be stuck in the friendzone. If you want to be more attractive, convey your interest and attraction.
The sexiest, most attractive thing a man can wear is confidence, whether you’re a bad boy…or a gentleman in the streets and a bad boy in the sheets.
2 – Strength
Hitting the gym not only helps you build strength and stay in shape, there are myriad other benefits to working out regularly:
- better mood, better energy, better sleep, better digestion
- higher self-esteem
- better focus and brain function
- weight management
- stronger bones and muscles
- reducing health risks
- reducing stress and anxiety
- increasing mental resiliency
- reducing mental health risks
- reinforcing work-life balance
It can also help you maintain a better physique, which can make you more attractive, and make you feel better about yourself which naturally boosts your confidence.
There’s more to being strong than just having big muscles, though.
If you want to be more attractive, strive to be a “tender defender,” someone who is strong (physically and mentally) and can protect others when needed, but who is also kind, caring, nurturing to those close to him.
Mental resiliency goes hand in hand with confidence and leadership.
Are you the kind of man that rises to the challenge, or buckles under pressure? Do you have a growth mindset, or are you stuck in a rut (and complain about it)? Can you handle stress, difficult situations, and overwhelming thoughts? Are you able to ask for help when needed?
Emotional stability and emotional intelligence are not only attractive traits, but also crucial for success in life and in love.
Do the work to get rid of insecurities, anger issues, and any other kind of emotional weakness that could be holding you back. If you lack self-awareness and aren’t able to identify, process, and manage your emotions in a healthy manner, your emotions end up controlling you. An angry, short-tempered, defensive man whose emotions get the best of him is definitely not attractive.
Physical, mental, and emotional strength are all sexy traits. If you can possess and can display all three, that’s the perfect trifecta.
3 – Authenticity
Bad boys are attractive because they speak their mind and don’t care what other people think.
Don’t feel the need to agree or go along just to impress or win anyone’s approval. No simpin’. Bring that bad boy IDGAF attitude.
To be more attractive, know who you are, have opinions, and be willing to disagree. Respectfully of course — no judging or shaming others for their opinions. Putting others down, thinking your opinion is better or more correct than others, or mansplaining, is definitely not attractive.
4 – Honesty
Be congruent in your thoughts, words, and actions: say what you feel, mean what you say.
Women like to be pursued, so if you’re interested in a woman, be honest and tell her. Don’t be a “nice guy” who hides his intentions or pretends to be something he’s not.
Honesty is super attractive, and appreciated, especially when you can be honest about your feelings, and especially when it’s a tough conversation. That shows not only honesty, but emotional intelligence and being in touch with one’s feelings.
5 – Positive leadership
To be more attractive, show that you’re capable and can get things done.
Be a leader through strength, compassion and respect.
Plan fun dates and experiences. Take her by the hand and lead, both literally and figuratively.
That’s positive dominance, “divine masculine” energy.
Steer clear of aggression, threats, fear, being overly competitive or controlling, or letting insecurities, or anger or other emotions, get the best of you. That all comes from weakness and “wounded (toxic) masculine” energy.
6 – Edge
Women want safety, security, and stability. That doesn’t mean you have to be boring as well.
What is your “edge”?
Do you have a spontaneous, fun side? Do you like adventures, or crossfit, or brew your own beer?
Do you speak a second language? Did you spend a semester abroad during university, or spend a few months backpacking across Europe?
Do you play coed volleyball on Saturday mornings? Do you volunteer at the pet shelter?
Do you know a lot about a super unique subject or field? Can you < insert something that sounds complicated with lots of technical jargon >?
Can you make manicotti from scratch including the pasta sauce? Do you have a banana bread recipe you could win a bakeoff with?
What makes you different and unique? What makes you stand out?
Having something you’re passionate about is very attractive, no matter what it is (okay, so maybe there are a few exceptions to this).
If you can’t think of anything, think about taking some classes, picking up some hobbies, or picking up a book to expand your horizons.
7 – Style
One of the easiest ways to stand out from the crowd, and catch the eye of high quality women, is to dress well.
Put in some effort and show that you care about your appearance, whatever your personal style is.
Don’t forget to take care of your hair and facial hair, either.
Even if you aren’t sure what your personal style is, remember the number one rule of style and looking more attractive: fit is king. Make sure your clothes are the right size for you (this is the number one style mistake guys make).
What makes a man attractive…
Being attractive as a man isn’t about being a bad boy, or being super rich, or having a six pack, or a fancy car. Although having some of those things certainly doesn’t hurt.
In an age where men need to bring more to the table than just the metaphorical bread he’s won, a man’s character, his enlightenment, and his depth of being are his most valuable assets.
Being attractive as a man is about personal growth. It’s about being the best, most elevated version of yourself.
(As a coach, I’m here to help you get there, if you’re ready)
*Featured image by Helena Lopes at Pexels.
